Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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