girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
