get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
