Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
