im drinking this country out of the recession.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
