no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
