you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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