Plan B is the new Plan A
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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