I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
