Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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