i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
