im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
