2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
