the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
