I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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