But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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