I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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