Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
