Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
there was a trapeze. enough said
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
