Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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