So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
