shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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