so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
