Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
