All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
