I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
