I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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