yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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