he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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