i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
