im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
