Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Randomize
