the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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