He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
