no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Found the puke drawer
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
