Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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