WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
