we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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