She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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