She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
