discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
