Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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