Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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