he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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