you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
