"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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