I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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