When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
