Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
