my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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