I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
