What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
