Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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