my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize