ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
