we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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