In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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