Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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