i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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