absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
