he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
