That's when you crack a 10am beer
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
