Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize