I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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