I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
