I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
