I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
