all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
