my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
